Fear of commitment - peer support forum
Fear of commitment
Are you struggling with a fear of commitment?
For a lot of people it's helpful to write down and share their story. This open forum is a great place for:
- Getting things off your chest.
- Reading the stories of peers.
- Connecting with peers and responding to stories.
Read the stories of other people with a fear of commitment and share your story.
I had a relationship where she lived on the other side of the country and we saw each other in the weekends, or sometimes every other weekend.
Despite the fact that she lived so far away, I still felt suffocated and did not feel any space.
For almost a year I had permanent stress. When I woke up I felt for a moment no stress and then the stress came (from the relationship). Because I did not want to hurt her, I did not end the relationship and I stayed in it. I did not feel the power or the freedom to step out. It felt like I was drowning in an ocean.
Obviously also the quality of the relationship got worse. Luckily she ended the relation and I was free again. Even after it ended, I felt the permanent stress for almost a year.
I also feel fear of commitment in friendships. When I have the feeling someone claims me, then I feel suffocated. I can get that feeling very fast, for example when a friend wants to skype or call. Then I can already have the feeling I 'have to'. I like it best when the initiative is on my side. Then I can express it when I feel space for it.
My fear of commitment was super strong. I often already got tense when I was looking at somebody's profile on a dating site. That was because in the past I had the experience that once I was in a relationship, it was very difficult for me to "escape".
I am scared to start a relationship because of an attachment disorder. When there is somebody I like (a lot), I get scared, I freeze and there is no contact possible.
Who has experience with this and who knows how to solve this?
One of the things that helped me was to visualize how I would like it to be.
Than I visualize that I feel free and relaxed with that somebody.
When you practice this everyday, you will slowly start to feel more free and relaxed, also for real, not just when you visualize it.
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