Relationship issues - peer support forum
Do you suffer from relationship issues?
For a lot of people it's helpful to write down and share their story. This open forum is a great place for:
- Getting things off your chest.
- Reading the stories of peers.
- Connecting with peers and responding to stories.
Read the stories of other people with relationship issues and share your story.
Overview of stories
I am a 36 year old woman, married and I have an affair with a woman. Nobody can know and nobody knows!
First we were just friends but that changed and now she means everything to me. I never thought I would end up in an extramarital relationship. I also never thought of myself as a lesbian. Although it never really worked out with sex for me. What a difference with the sex I experience with my girlfriend.
Nobody knows how torn apart I feel inside, I feel so lonely and misunderstood. Is there anybody that understands me?
I cannot break up with her, she is everything to me. But I also cannot go on like this. I cannot imagine I will ever come out to family about this. Not possible. Never. They will not accept it.
I am stuck in this situation. What should I do?
45 years old and single: Why do I always go for men that hurt me? Why am I not interested in normal relationship? If there is no reason, I create one.
In every relationship that means something to me, I face lack of self confidence. I cannot believe that I am also a special human being. I always feel that other are, but never myself.
Every time the same program runs: again it turns out you are not able to stay with a man. Someone like you is no good; any woman is better and more beautiful then you.
Who or what can help me?
Do you know the book "Finding Clarity" by Jeru Kabbal? He writes beautifully about that.
I am married for almost 35 years and my partner seems to be a narcissist. I looked that up on the internet and recognized it immediately. After all those years I don't know anymore.
I suggested once to go to a therapist together. But he says: you go to a therapist, you have a problem, I am fine the way I am. I don't know anymore.
My partner confessed that he betrayed be. This is in between us now. I find it hard to still trust her. She has not been honest with me for a long time.
But she says that it is over now and that she wants to stay a family with me and our kids. I find it really hard to accept what has happened.
I am going through the exact same thing!
Very tough on a 24 year long relationship in which I always thought: that will never happen to us!
Nobody knows that my best friend and I have a relationship. It just happened like that. My girlfriend had always known she was a lesbian, she told me only later.
But I am not sure if I am a lesbian. I am also not sure if I want to continue with her. It's all so confusing. I always pictured myself to marry with a man and have children.
When I continue with her, my wish for children cannot come true, I think. I don't dare to talk about my relationship with anybody, because my friends and family are not so positive about homosexual relationships. But my girlfriend wants to 'come out' and puts pressure on me. Now she is waiting for me. What should I do?
When our first child was born, my wife had a pastnatal depression. She has a really hard time. I see that and I try to support her to relief her as much as possible. But it doesn't change her depression.
Sometimes she is scared she will do something to our child. And sometimes I cannot even go to work. At work they show a lot of understanding, but I start to feel more and more alone in the relationship. Who has experience in this area as a partner?
My wife has medicines now and also psychological support, but I feel so helpless and lonely in this. I also notice that all the attentions goes to her and that people seem to think I will be fine. That's maybe also my own fault, because I find it hard to ask for help.
Who recognizes this and what has helped?
My story ends well, although I still don't have a relationship.
All relationships ended in trouble for me. In the beginning it was always fun. I found men that, according to myself, were on the same level as me, supported me and my study. I could often move in with them in a beautiful house so that I did not have to work next to my study, we went out for dinner, went on holidays etc.
But after a while the judgments started. I thought they were away from home too much, they were complaining about the expenses I made. They said things like you are selfish, you never think about me, you always push your own wishes through and even you are a borderliner.
Luckily a psychologist did not think so. He was nice to talk to, but I did not get any further. I was still looking for a man that could stay with me and love me and would go through the fire for me.
A friend of mine asked me to go to a relationship therapist. That was possible, also without having a relationship.
There I found out that I was on the wrong track because I was 'searching'. In stead of looking for a man that could love me, I started looking for a man that I could love. With her help, I found out what qualities that man should have, what would be important for me to find in a man.
In the mean time I've had a couple of 'never again' dates, one with a really sweet man. Warm, woolly, relaxed, with many characteristics I like. I go out with him sometimes, but this time I am not going to move in with him immediately.
This time I also have a good time with myself alone in a small rental apartment. I think I could love a man like him and I hope it is the other way around too. If this is so, then it is time to try and live together again.
For years and years I took care.. of my husband, my kids. My husband always lost himself in work and sports and I always accepted that. Now I notice I am completely finished and I don't feel any love towards him anymore.
The point is, that because of that confession, he turned 180 degrees. Suddenly he wants to do everything for me and he realizes how much he failed me. I can almost not believe it.
I would like to believe it, but at this moment I can only feel anger towards him. How do we get out of this?
My partner is 15 years older than me and that was so far never a problem, but now that he is over 60, I notice that we are really in a different stage of life.
My partner is thinking about slowly quitting his job, while I am fully enjoying my career now that the kids are bigger and need less care.
I notice we are slowly drifting apart and I share less with him. On the other side I don't want to lose him. I do love him. I just miss the connection with him at the moment. I feel more or less in a split with it.
Who recognizes this and what has helped you?
One month ago I found out via the neighbors that my husband is cheating on me. We are together for 21 years now and somewhere along the way I lost him and I didn't notice. Now I am in a grieving process.
Try to get answers, would like to have his love for me acknowledged and sometimes I'm also angry why did he do this and why didn't he try to solve it together with me.
He is very confused now, angry, sad. Would like to go on with me and look at the future, but I am not ready for that. He cannot support my with my grief and I cannot support him in his sadness because he is so confused. We have a time out now. All tips are welcome.
That must be very tough for you and for you two together.
When you don't manage it by yourself I would advice you to talk to a therapist. That can create a lot of space.
Also check the tips on this website. I'm sure there's somewhere there that can help you.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I have had it happen to me 13 yrs ago. And only this month did I finally find some peace in watching podcast from Samuel Alumnus.
Type his name in and you will get answers to every question you could think of. You will also see how true men who want to fix what they broke do it.
I wish you all the best.
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