Eating disorders - Tips

When we deal with strong emotions, it helps to take a step back and look at ourselves from a distance.

We are much smarter when we give other people advice and that intelligence we also get when we keep a wide view in challenging situations and address ourselves with our first name.

The idea that a less egocentric perspective subdues negative emotions, is being supported by brain research. The emotional center in the brain - the amygdala - becomes less active when we don't talk in the first person to ourselves.

Moreover it helps to take a distance to yourself to increase your self-control. (Mary, you can leave that chocolate alone)

Investigate the secondary gain of having an eating disorder. Even when you want to let go of it, it can be that you do not succeed, because (unconsciously) you benefit from having the eating disorder. This is called 'secondary gain'.

- It can be, for example, that because of your eating disorder, you do not have to do certain things that you do not want to do.
- Or because of your eating disorder you receive extra attention from your parents, lovers or therapists. And that you actually like that.

As soon as you know what the positive effects of your eating disorder is (the secondary gain), you can start to look for an alternative way to get the same advantage, without having to hold on to the eating disorder.

The next questions can help you discover the advantage of your eating disorder:

- What (nice things) can I do because of the eating disorder, what I otherwise could not do?
- What (nice things) do I receive because of the eating disorder, that I would otherwise not receive?
- What could go wrong when I do not have the eating disorder anymore?

Watch with a mild, soft and friendly attention to your eating disorder.

Accept the eating disorder, without identifying with it. You are not the eating disorder, you have it.

By approaching yourself and your eating disorder in a gentle way, you can relax deeper and then your the eating disorder can become soft too.

Do you suffer from an eating disorder and could you use some support?
A therapist or counsellor can help you.

Don't be afraid to reach out for support....your eating disorder will try to convince you that you do not need help, maybe even convincing you that you can heal on your own or that you don't deserve help or even that there is simply nothing wrong....
Reaching out to others for support does not show weakness but great strength! To admit that you need help can be challenging but trying to heal your relationship with food and your body without support.....that's incredibly difficult and lonely.
Reach out today, to a friend, to a loved one, to a counsellor or therapist, to a coach......the journey to recovery IS difficult but so worth it!

Journaling before engaging in an eating disorder behaviour can help you to understand the thoughts you are having and the feelings you are trying to numb out due to them being so difficult to deal with...by writing down the thoughts and then trying to imagine how you might speak back to them as if they were being shared with you by someone else, you can access the part of you which wants to recover....the part which doesn't want to engage in the behaviour.

Write down the intrusive thought and then look at it with curiousity....what could you say back?
Imagine it's a friend sharing the thought with you or a loved one....what would you say to them if they told you they felt they needed to engage in something harmful to themselves....now whatever you may say to that friend or loved one....try to say to yourself, compassion is key in recovery and you deserve the kindness you would offer others.

Journaling also helps to get the thoughts out of your head and make space. It can get crowded with intrusive thoughts and they can become so overwhelming if not attended to....be kind to yourself.