Bereavement, grief, loss - Tips
Tips for coping with bereavement, grief and loss
Would you like some tips and advice how to deal with bereavement, grief and loss?
This forum is a great place to:
- explore several tips.
- respond to tips / share your experience.
- share the tips that work for you.
What's your tip how to deal with bereavement, grief and loss?
Tip 1 - Try to find a balance
There is not a right or wrong way to grieve. Grieving the loss of someone or something is a personal process. It doesn't have a standard time limit.
Maybe you feel like staying in bed all day. Or maybe you want to escape the feeling of loss by keeping yourself occupied with work or other activities.
Try to find a balance between on the one hand keeping in contact with the outside world and on the other hand to make time to mourn your loss and express your grief.
Tip 2 - 'Mourning and moving' can go together
Realize that 'mourning and moving' can go together. You will feel sad, give it time and space, and at the same time move on. Go on with your life, take care of yourself, do things you like to do, make (new) plans, visit friends, etc.
Tip 3 - Allow support
There is no time limit for grief. Often, after the first six weeks, it seems like you have to continue with 'normal' life. It can be that you put your sadness away because you're not supposed to be sad anymore.
Nobody asks you anymore how you are doing. While maybe the pain you feel inside, even gets stronger then before.
Allow support, ask for someone to hold you or be silent with you. Do not put yourself in a time frame for your grieving process. Realize that the person you lost, will be in a different way forever with you now.
Tip 4 - Keep taking care of yourself
It is important to take your feelings serious. You do not have to feel ashamed of your thoughts or feelings.
Allow yourself to take your time. Some people need more time then others. Memories can help you with the bereavement, like pictures or writing down memories.
Keep taking good care of yourself:
- Go to bed on normal times.
- Get up in time and get dressed
- Use three meals a day on fixed times.
- Avoid using alcohol or drugs.
- Keep going to work if possible.
- Support your relaxation by doing things you like.
For many people it helps to talk with somebody they trust, about what you think and feel. Also when you at first don't feel like it. Or when you believe that others do not want to listen to your stories. Often it gives a good feeling in the end and you do not feel so alone. The warmth of close friends and family can help a lot with your grieving process,
Tip 6 - Find a counsellor
Are your experiencing bereavement, grief and loss and could you use some support?
A therapist or counsellor can help you.
Tip 7 - Hold your pain of loss
Mourning is the other side of love. You mourn because you have loved somebody. Holding the pain of loss, that is often crude, can create space for something new.
Sometimes this is hard to do alone. Then it is good to ask for help. Sometimes the loss also stirs up old pain that did not dissolve yet. Then it can feel like a lot to deal with. As a therapist, I like to work with walks in nature. That can be very consolatory and creates space.
Tip 8 - What would the one you lost want you to do?
Ask yourself what the loved one you lost would want you to do. How would he or she want you to continue living your life and focus on that.
Tip 9 - Dare to mourn
A son that lived with his parents until he was 29 years old, never dared to mourn for the loss of his parents. First very sudden his father had died and ten years later, also very sudden, his mother. He became a father himself, but he still never went to see their grave. Afraid to face the pain.
Then problems arose in his relationship. A distance grew between him and his wife and their child. The loyalty he had to his deceased mother was so strong, that he adopted her pattern 'not to talk about problems'. He didn't share with his wife and was very introvert. It made his wife feel excluded and alone with her son.
The solution started when they together went to visit the grave of his parents. There they could mourn together and his sadness could finally find a way out. After this, they could slowly start to rebuild their relationship.
Tip 10 - Candles in memory
The death of a child is for you as a parent one of the most profound, painful and difficult experiences that can happen in your life. It is so intense, that often the people that surround you also do not know how to deal with it. This can increase the sadness.
On worldwide candle lighting day, every second Sunday in December, people light a candle in remembrance of children that have died. That way, we as friends, try to console and give attention to the immense loss.
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